Just some of my thoughts after stumbling on this old YouTube video. 6 years ago I embarked on a crazy journey. I choose to not have a job for 4 months so I could go to my church's ministry school. At the begging of this school I thought I was doing it so I could pursue after a career in full time ministry. But what really happened was God began to pull me closer into His presence. That school caused me to look deep inside myself and deal with the things that were holding me back from Him. It was one of the most challenging times in my life. It was me constantly dealing with the issues in my heart I was holding onto. Fast forwarding to now I look back on this process some days feeling like I have taken steps backwards. Sometimes I feel like the stuff I dealt with in that time keep coming back to haunt me. Some days I feel like I let that 21 year old me down, like I let God down. The reality is that sometimes I have taken steps backwards sometimes I have changed my opinion on the world and what life looks like in it. Sometimes I have made all the wrong choices. But God has never stopped desiring me. God has never left me. Some of the layers of my heart really have been pealed back. These is even some walls I don't know exist yet. But God continues to stay beside me healing my heart and taking it back. And He desires my whole heart. Someday Istill don't know how to give it to Him. But He never leaves in fact His heart is still the same for me as it was before i even took my first breath. He knows me and loves me. If I could talk to that 21 year old Nathan I would say things look a lot different than you would have expected. There things your heart was holding onto then that you still are to this day but God hasn't left you in fact He delights in you. I proud of how far I have come in life. Even though some days weren't like I expected them to be I feel like I am giving Jesus more of my heart each day I breathe. Don't forget where you have come from don't forget what its taken for you to be where you are. Don't forget that Jesus truly does love you. And He delights in you and desires to walk with you it's what He has always desired. Sometimes you will loose faith sometimes you will forget everything you have learned everything you hold as truth. But continue to abide in the Father more as you go along this journery. Trust and follow Him. He is good and He loves us. I proud of where I have come even the mistakes I have made because in the end even the wrong has pointed me back into His heart. Even my incapability to love myself points me back into His heart.
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